On the radical nature of singular attention
One recent evening, I was winding down on my couch and decided to listen to a poem. But then, I was reminded of something I “needed” to check on my phone. And then another thing popped up and grabbed my attention. I had to laugh at myself. While the goal was to mindfully attend to a poem, my default mode of multi-tasking took over, and I couldn’t tell you what the poet was saying.
It reminded me of the radical nature of singular attention in this day and age. How often do I see groups of people hanging out, yet facing down, eyes glued to phones. I’m not immune. How I am easily distracted by the ping of my phone. “Orienting reflex” psychologists call our response to unexpected stimuli through our five senses–you see it in newborn babies who automatically gaze at their mom who coos at them. All humans have this reflex, and it helps us survive and connect. Once we register the stimulus of the reflex, we respond if necessary, and stop orienting to it (as mentioned in this article).
Thankfully, I’ve also had recent moments of sitting with friends with their undivided attention and it restored me in ways I couldn’t have anticipated. The gift of seeing and being seen by loved ones is unmatched, and it reinforced my all too human need to be oriented to, and to stay oriented with. Expressive human faces keep us oriented longer (according to this article), which is probably why you can linger for hours in conversation with someone who’s paying close attention to you. Likely, some subtle co-regulation is occurring under the surface as well.
When was the last time you luxuriated in the gift of uninterrupted attention on one thing? How often is that even an option nowadays, you might ask. I get it. All of us have multiple demands on our attention, and mindfulness is just something you squeeze in, in between multi-tasking–right?? Thankfully, you don’t need to devote hours to reap the benefit of focused attention. I encourage you to find one small way you can care for yourself this week with mindful presence –whether that means calling a friend for a brief chat, tossing your phone into another room as you focus on a task for 10 minutes, moving your body in a way that brings joy, or simply existing in a calmer space. Notice any shifts in your body as you do this.
